Tone of post:
Moral of post:
Note to self: Do not make up words in this post.
Do you live in the right place?
I don't. I live in an absolutely fine place but not the right place.
I grew up in Hampshire, first in a small town, then in a tiny village. I went to school in Sussex. As a teenager, I couldn't wait to get away. University, work and later marriage took me to London and then up to Suffolk. I've never really had an urge to go back until now. But recently... there is something pulling. Just a little insistent 'go back down south' tug, tug, tug. Don't let me mislead you - home here is just dandy but it's not Home in a 'this is where I'm meant to be' way. I feel no loyalty to it, no affinity. The place names hold no associations. I have no deep-seated memories of here, no lineage. And that's ok. We make those as we go along and my children will certainly have memories. It's where we are for the moment and where we will be for the foreseeable.
But still ...
South.
Tug, tug, tug.
I google earth my old places and follow paths and lanes that my grandfather would have walked. I zoom in on a tree we used to play under forty years ago. I meander down the high street, round the lake and then follow the route I used to take to infant school. I scan across the hillside with the memorial for Edward Thomas and I can almost smell the wild garlic. Google Earth, Google Street, Google Scent. I can see the spot my brother died in a motor cycle accident and where my father was attacked with a hammer in his office during a botched robbery and left for dead. These are not all rose-tinted memories. Bad things happen in good places too.
This summer, I'll go back for a wander down memory lane. Perhaps show Younger Daughter just how far we used to walk in the 'olden days'. She'll see the house her grandfather was born in, and the walks her mother used to take with the gentle Cora dog. And maybe the trip will be enough to sedate this urge for a while. It may even banish it as I realize it's just a romantic longing, something that can happen when you're ... no longer thirty. Or forty. I am nothing if not fickle. We'll see.
Have you found Home? Is it your original home or your adopted home? And is it your forever home? Put it this way -if money and practicalities were not a problem, would you move tomorrow or stay put?
43 comments:
Crikey Lane, there's a question. I've been thinking of the place I always used to call 'home' although isn't where I was born. I still only live 10 minutes away from my birthplace so I'm surrounded by familiarities etc. But the place I was always happpiest was where my dad came from, a little place in Dorset and where we spent every happy summer, the family. And this is what's tugging at me right now. So many things are changing in my life at the moment that I'm getting a real 'hankering' after some good old fashioned comfort - which was always Dorset-shaped. Must be our ages?
yeah, i think i'm in the right place. when i moved away i never settled after being here. and the day i moved back it was home again.
but i'd love to win the lottery and live in one of the nicer areas........
Give in to the southern urge. Pull, pull, pull...
Chobam common, (War of the Worlds)was a special place in my youth. And Cornwall. And Glasgow.
Yes, I'm definitely back home now after many years away. I love this town.
A huge, huge question. And such an important one -- especially for an "expat" like me. But I know that I am definitely home here in London, and am always thwarting any slightest indication that we might move someday. But there are still other places on this earth where I feel home, whether they have ever been or will ever be home in actuality. And I love that, to be honest.
no, not at all-I haven't felt at home anywhere for a long, long time.I usually tell myself not to be a sentimental fool when that longing occurs-but I'm still searching for the right place. We'll try Canada next.
Over to you: if it's such a persistent need maybe you should move?:)
Debs r - Being drawn to somewhere that isn't your birthplace is interesting. I suppose it's very much to do with good memories. And yes - age is certainly a factor:-)
B - It's great that you've found home B. And one shift and it would be perfection. Lovely.
Fia - Chobham common is in W of the Ws? I didn't know that.
yes, tug, pull. One day:-)
HelenH - I'm glad about that Helen.It must feel peaceful.
SueG - yes, it is a bit of a biggie question? And yes, I think it's entirely possible to feel 'home' about more than one place.
Felix - I can relate to your sense of displacement. As for moving, at the moment there are too many practicalities which would make it irresponsible. Not to mention that property is way more expensive down there:-)
What a very poignant post; some tough times threaded in with the happy memories. I've travelled around and lived in different places but home, for me, is where my loved ones are.
Oh yes, big, big, huge question; particularly right now. Honestly, home is both places. Bangkok is my home for now because I'm not done with it. The UK will always be my home but as to where exactly, I'm not sure.
When I go back to the UK for a holiday it's further complicated that I go back to my childhood home and not the home that the four of us made in Buckinghamshire. Confusing? Yes.
Gosh, what a post. So many memories - good and downright awful.
I'm 'fairly' OK living where I am. I was much better until my sister moved back to the Cotswolds, to the small village where we born. Now, when we speak on the phone and she evokes lots of memories of people/places, I experience the odd tug or two.
So yes, if money was no object, I would seriously consider moving 'back home'.
I don't think I'm in the right place a lot of the time, although at the moment because the weather is so lovely this house, garden and view are perfect. Come the winter and I want to be in a bustling town with lots to do.
I also google earth my childhood haunts and look up properties in the street that I grew up in. There are so many noughts on the price these days that we could never afford to live there. A few years ago on a trip back to London we drove to my old house and parked outside. I toyed with the idea of ringing on the bell and asking to see my old room but thought it would be too presumptuous. A tear was shed and then we drove back to France.
I hope you find your forever home one day, Lane.
p.s. - you are a one-off. I have read literally hundreds of blogs now and there is nobody like you. Your ideas are so novel and imaginative.
The great thing about Suffolk, where I live now, is that in many ways it seems like what most of the country used to be like before it changed for the worse.
Going back to where I used to live, it seems busy, noisy and spoils the old memories.
I do feel at home here. Sometimes. Not at home as I was when I was a child. I think that's a place we leave automatically when we get older.
The times that I do feel at home here don't come around too often. But when they do they feel great. And since those times don't come around too often, I think that there is another place out there that could be home.
I've never had a home or a feeling for a home. My father being in the army I lived in four countries and numerous houses by age of seven when I was packed off to boarding school. Since then my feet get itchy and are very itchy at the moment after eleven, ELEVEN, years in Brighton. I hope this will change very soon as I am hoping to move to Norfolk/Suffolk or maybe even East London. Who knows?
As far as I'm concerned, home is where the totty is.
I really just said that, didn't I.
And what the heck am I doing living here?
A very interesting and thought provoking post.
I live a more intinerant lifestyle than Richard Kimble - and I love it - but my roots are deep in my own culture. Even so, anywhere where my wife is is comfortable and home to me.
Re, "if money and practicalities were not a problem, would you move tomorrow or stay put?":
That's a very unfair question. Money and practicalities are always a consideration. I can't even begin to imagine the situation where they're not.
Thanks for a fascinating and stimulating post.
All the best from Boonsong Zimmerman
Such a thought-provoking post.
I love the house I'm in and living in Jersey you're never far away from everything that's familiar, but I'm not sure if this is where Home will always be.
I know that when I lived in South Africa, I did find it strange not having a history with the people around me, as I'd never experienced that before.
Very thought provoking, Lane. I've lived in Hertfordshire forever - so ALL my memories are here. What I would like is to win the lottery and have a house in Australia or New Zealand where I could spend several months and then come back home. X
Well done Lane - lovely post. Cornwall is very much home for me but while I live in Falmouth, Fowey is my spiritual home. I lived there at a very unhappy, unsettled time of my life but still it is somewhere I go to so often. It really has a hold on me.
What a thought-proving post. It saddens me that I don't belong anywhere now. I don't belong at home, in Jersey, anymore. But I have no roots here, nothing which compels me to stay. It's not a state of being I like. Belonging somewhere, is a literally grounding thing.
Hmmm.
Still looking, Lane. A rolling stone, I am.
I know the sort of connected-rooted feeling you mention. Last year I got a strong bout of it while cleaning my great-grandmother's grave in a little valley where I spent my early childhood.
holy moly, your father! holy moly your brother!
but i understand that pull. my pull is north. Up North. i do wonder if i could live up there again--so cold, such long winters, so isolated. but the pull is strong.
Oh gawd Lane, what a post! I long for the Island I grew up on even though horrible things happened to me there. It is also the home of the place where my heart is at peace. I am off for 3 weeks over Aug / Sept so email me and let me know when you're in your heart's home and N3S and I will come over for the day or vice versa.
I live in New York. My heart home is in Scotland.
And yes, if I could, I'd move in a heartbeat.
Fantastic post.
Having moved Down South from Up North 20-odd years ago I've often pondered why I don't feel an urge to move back there, despite the whole town being imprinted on my psyche to the point where I know every street like the back of my hand and still dream about it (the town, not my hand!)
Maybe it's because I had my children down here, or I've made happier connections. When I go north to visit family the place makes me sad and I can't wait to get away - I don't know why!
At my age "home" is my base. I've lived here for almost 25 years and there's no other place that I'm yearning to move to. That's not how I want to use my energy and financial resources now. Instead my hunger is to see more of the world. I keep thinking that there will soon be a limit to how much I can travel.
I'm glad to have been born and reared in the mountains. Those childhood experiences made me the person I am today. But I wouldn't want to return there.
Chris S - That's very true. The most perfect place on earth wouldn't be home without them.
JJ - very confusing. And I hope your situation gets sorted out soon.
Shirley - I think the 'money no object' bit is the benchmark isn't it.
French Fancy - property prices have rendered so many places complete 'no go' areas. I'd have been so tempted to knock on the door of your old house but maybe you were right.
(And thank you. That's a very kind thing to say).
Troy - I quite agree that the countryside here is absolutely beautiful and unspoilt as is the coast line. Very lovely indeed.
Babaloo - I know exactly what you mean. It's like home here is just fine but maybe... one day ...
DOT - what a mobile childhood you had. You've done well to stay put for a whole 11 years.
I lived in East London c.12 years and it was fine at the time but I wouldn't want to go back now. Plenty going on though.
Captain - Totty??
you really did say that out loud:-)
Boonsong (Zimmerman) - I suppose I meant in a perfect scenario, where family, work etc could all magically come with you and money was not an issue. The rich do it all the time but for lesser mortals, yes there are always likely to be issues:-)
Debs - and what a superb place to be able to call home Debs.
Amanda - a base in a couple of places would be very nice indeed:-)
Flowerpot - it's funny how places with not particularly great memories can still have a huge hold, isn't it.
Spiral - I suppose they're not called 'roots' for nothing. I hope you find your place. I'm sure you will.
Liane - I remember your post about it Liane and the feelings came through strongly. So poignant.
Laurie - Those winters must be brutal. Yours are hard enough. But I understand the pull.
DJ Kirby - It would be lovely to meet you. I'm taking my father down with me as he's ill, so time may be limited. However, I'm planning another trip on my own too at some point so I'll contact you as and when.
Marcheline - wow what a contrast -New York/Scotland. Gosh, it's so interesting where people's hearts lay.
Karen - I would be slightly worried if you dreamt about your hand.
And glad that you have re-created home for yourself.
Faye - That's so level headed Faye and I hope you continue to travel the globe and journal it and pass it onto us. And you have a mighty fine 'base':-)
A fabulous and thought provoking post! Everywhere I have lived holds special memories for me but having left everything I considered normal to go to Thailand showed me that I could make a home anywhere. I think, for me, that home is now where Chris is rather than a particular place. (God that is really smaltzy!!)
*goes off to find a bucket to barf in*
C x
Hmmm, Ms Lane, and here I was hoping I could wean myself away from blogging! (for a wee while as I've run out of stuff to blog about).Then I have a crafty look at your blog and find myself drawn back in with this thought provoking post. Shame on you woman! ;-) Being a Southern bird, never lived above London (Surrey & Sussex) I wonder if I could move away to pastures new. Let me ponder. Not sure. I think if money was no problem (like that is ever gonna happen!) I would have a top floor flat in the arty side of Paris and a ramberling old house (with studio) on the Sussex Downs within walking distance of the sea and a local pub.
But I guess I'm rather lucky already, as our garden backs onto open fields with horses, the frisky stallion is chasing his mares around the field as we speak. But methinks they're giving him a run for his money! ;-)
Hey, follow that yellow brick road Ms Lane for indirectly it will take you back home. But watch out for the old guy lurking behind the curtain ;-)
Didn't Murray do well? TFxx
What a brilliant post! You've got me thinking now. I live in Leeds, which isn't far from Bradford where I was born. I got talking recently to an old friend about our childhood haunts, the places where we used to play. I realised that those places have become a part of me that I take with me wherever I go.
(Regarding Captain Black's comment)
What's a totty?
Haven't read all the comments - just wanted to add my own.
First off - it certainly sounds like you are dreaming of your youth when life didn't hold any responsibilities - well not like now anyway. I don't have to point this out.
I cringed inside with the loss of your brother and the attack. Those are tough memories dear Lane.
For me - I would live in New Orleans. Preferably in a part of New Orleans where the old stately houses preside over Magnolia trees and the wrought iron fencing stretches around enough land to give me privacy and peace.
If I could take my barn and plop it down there I definitely would. I love my barn. I just don't love where I live. I wasn't born here and there is no water. Only cold rivers that you can't swim in.
Ah - I feel a post coming on.
Marcheline: There is an explanation here.
I didn't know your brother died - that's so horribly sad. I'm sorry.
I do understand your restlessness, though, although mine's a little difference - I'm always feeling pulled to new places, places where I imagine life would just be better, somehow.
I didn't know your brother died - that's so horribly sad. I'm sorry.
I do understand your restlessness, though, although mine's a little difference - I'm always feeling pulled to new places, places where I imagine life would just be better, somehow.
WHat a fabulous post... Makes you think, doesn't it?
I think I'm home. I have no wish at all to go back to Dublin (left when I was 20) and I'm much more at home in England specifically the south east. I'm happy in the area I live though always keep the option of moving house open. My parents were nomads and we moved a lot as children so I think though I've been in this house sixteen years, I always think I'll move at the back of my mind. Not far though. Weve raised a family around here and I have fabulous friends I wouldnt want to lose.
I will never move again - since I've moved too much in my life. I adore being at home. Probably turn into a hermit one day.
What a great post. I guess you make your home where you want to make it. But that's a very simplistic answer to you question because it avoids the meaty issue of emotions and attachment as you have so well decribed them in your post. Many thanks for such a thought-provoking article. My home is London. And Havana in Cuba. So, I guess, I have two.
Greetings from London.
I def have not found home. If money was no option I would be living somewhere by the sea. Prob Green craig house in Scotland Aberlady where I grew up or Chelsea Harbour in London...Tuscanny..I could go on forever, anywhere but Acton!
To be honest Ireland feels like home to me, preferably near the sea but my family are all here in UK so I will not live there.
Having said that I love my home and I am a would-be hermit.
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“Sporadicity, that’s me byword
Sporadicity me do or die word
What’s the best, we all agree
Say sporadic, sporadic, sporadicity”
Thanks for a fascinating post.
Loved the doggie photos.
Nice to see you back again, Boonsong
Am I am living 600 miles from home (though, am coincidentally writing from that very place just now), you're speaking to my condition.
With a pseudo home in Sussex, however, am more than happy to put up itinerant travellers. Any time. Can accommodate teenagers too. (You have my email.)
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