It was 26th July at 10.30 am. A beautiful Sunday morning. I didn't even realize it was happening as I exhaled a last, delicious plume in my comfy garden spot and nicely satiated, stubbed out for the last time.
But that was it. Something had just clicked. No more.
I had to unpick the fabric of my routine and sew it back together with a brand new pattern. Every time I let the dogs out, I had to stay inside. I couldn't trust myself to join them in the garden. I couldn't sit in my usual sunny spot and watch the birds. I couldn't linger. If I stood still at all, the ache would gnaw too deeply. I cleaned the cooker and walked the dogs rather more than was necessary. If I'd been a runner I'd have doubled my miles. I couldn't write because I couldn't sit still and my mind was too fizzy. If you spoke to me I would snarl. I was not nice in those first weeks. But it got easier and I'm nicer now. Although I still haven't managed to erase that demonic stare and probably never will.
Painting by Nicotine Free Woman
39 comments:
YAY!!! Well DONE!!!
Brilliant! You are! Well done.
Wow!! Terrific. And don't worry about the demonic stare. It's kind of cool :-)
Congratulations - you've probably extended the life of this blog by several years!
Well done, you clever girl! Congratulations. And Troy's right; we'll have lots more years of your blog!
Fantastic! I wondered how it was going. That's an amazing thing you've done, don't forget that!
I love the picture, there's a lot going on it those eyes. Not so much demonic to me as 'Don't mess with me!' No bad thing.
Congrats!! Great to see you back and blogging too!
Nik
Now THAT is the best news I've heard all day!
Good for you Lane. It gets easier. I promise.
Big pat on the back for you! Good to see you!
Thank you chaps. It's nice to be back.
Well bloody done - it's not easy. Clever person!
Damn you, Lane, and your new nicotine free life. Don't you realise the pressure you put us dwindling band of smokers under?
How long will I be able to hold out against your crazed look before I too have to crush out my last fag?
You know we smokers have formed small societies to meet regularly outside buildings just to guard against your feared glare.
(Congratulations is what I am trying to say.)
I love to see your name fly to the top of the blogroll - I miss your postings, Lane. Well done on being a smoke free zone - I knew you could do it. I used to be a 25 Marlborough a day-er and now I just eat instead.
yours
a little porker
Teas and Peg - you know that where she is we are close behind.
Does this news mean there are more treats all round? I hope you're getting your share. Wish you'd both do a post and tell us how you are.
xx
Well done Lane!!! It's a big victory, I know, believe me. Been clean and smelling good for nearly 4 yrs now.
Congratulations!
Wow. that's AMAZING. well done you.
And yay to you being back! :)
Well done Lane. That is the best thing you could ever do - more money and a longer life to enjoy it! That painting is fantastic! So nice to have you back - more, more!
Oh well done. Soooooo proud of you. I haven't had any alcohol since the beginning of August but unfortunately I can't claim any credit for willpower on that one.
Well done you. It isn't easy giving up, but so worthwhile.
I love your painting. You're so talented.
That is a huge achievement. It's a tough drug to quit - I was a twenty a day girl - but so worth it.
Give it a few more months and you'll really notice the difference.
Loving Miss Whiplash.
Well done,demonic stare and all
i am thrilled for you.
i've missed you, too.
Bully for you - well played. Your dogs can't say this in English, so I will translate for them.
"We're glad we'll have you around to walk with us and play with us for a long time to come."
And we fellow bloggers are all yelling, "US TOO!".
Brilliant Lane - Not an easy thing to achieve!!! Admire you x
Quite an acheivement Lane, really well done. I've never tried it so don't 'get' how hard it is to give up, but know plenty of people who do and can't (my son being one of them.)
Elegant painting too - I hope you finish the novel now :o)
Just wanted to say congratulations and what a fantastic painting!
She's back-k-k! And a nicotine free woman--congratulations Lane. I'm currently doing battle with kicking my two scoops of full fat ice cream daily so I understand how sweet your victory is. Any more paintings come out of this epic battle? We'd love to see them.
BTW, I'll bet Peggy F is cursing the new and healthier Lane if it involves more walks for her. Seem to remember that she's more of a lounge on the settee kind of girl?
Debs R - thank you very much:-)
Dot - Having been part of that secret band for so long, I'll avert my crazed glare from your direction. Honest:-)
French Fancy - Ah, yes, the eating. So much extra eating:-( I wish I could acquire a strong sports habit instead:-)
Poppy and Misty - we've done quite well from all the extra biscuit crumbs. She's such a messy eater. Love Peg and Teas.
ps - it's about time we were allowed on the blog again.
Babaloo - thanks. And congratulations to you on four years.
B - thanks m'dear.
MOB - thank you. You're too kind:-)
Helen - that's a long time. This has gone on too long you poor thing.
Debs - thank you:-)
Fia - Crack. That's the whip. It's replacing my pointy stick:-)
Felix - thank you (said with slightly less demonic stare)
Laurie - thank you too.
Marcheline - you speak good Dog. I've got to learn me some of that:-)
And thanks for your comment before. I needed a prod.
Amanda - thank you kindly:-)
Karen - it's not so much hard as ... just incredibly irritating.
And the novel? Let's just say you're waaay ahead of me (and I'm still crossing everything btw)
Yvonne - thank you. And thank you again:-)
Faye - thank you. Peggy F was quite taken with the extra/longer walks when it was warm and light. But she's strictly a fair weather walker. If it's wet/windy she still tries to hide (unsuccessfully) as soon as the lead jangles.
As for paintings - there are more, some even more demonic. I'm trying to paint the family but they've all got distorted faces, uneven eyes and out of proportion features (not in real life of course). Practice, practice:-)
Giving up cigarettes is hell - I know I've been there and back and, finally, some years ago I cracked it and haven't smoked since. But I know if I took one cigarette it would probably lead to a 30-day habit again.
Wecome back to the blogosphere.
well done great to see you back. i recognised you from the painting so i'm afraid to say maybe you've always had that stare in you. I gave up years ago by keeping a bottle of beer in each hand leaving no hands free for smoking or fiddling(i accidently made small fire once in bar- no-one hurt but kept hands busy after that) Keep up the good work!
Fabulous! Well done for staying off them.
Lovely Lane, I'm sooooo proud of you! Fabulous painting... Love the painting and the violet eyes. Or should that be 'violent' eyes... *backs quietly away*
X
Congratulations and, commisserations. I am an ex-smoker myself so I KNOW the fight you are having and, I also cans ay, ten years on, that is IS worth it. On a completly different matter, please come visit my Chez Aspie blog on Sunday as I have a great book to give away. x
Well done you. Keep walking the dogs and that should help keep the weight down.
Well done, Lane! It's a fantastic achievement. The painting is really good, too.
I am so proud of you!!! I'm an ex-smoker too so I know how bloody tough it is giving up!! But so so worth it!! I couldn't believe how much better everything tasted or how much more money I had each month!!
Great to have you back hon
C x
That's great, so proud! xx
Well done, Lane. You've made a great choice, and seen (suffered) it through. Now if I could nab a bit of your will power to lose some weight... *sigh*
Love the painting - those eyes, they know things!
For some weird reason the witty and congratulatory comment I made seems not to have appeared - and I've forgotten what I said! Suffice to say, congrats on giving up the evil weed and here's to continued deftness with the paintbrush and vastly increased lung capacity! x
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