Fat

I could tell you about my knee. Those of you on Facebook may already know the story of the turkey, the hot fat and the knee, resulting in the blisters, the bubbles and a slight limp.
But I'll tell it again, just as a warning for those who think a sherry or two, whilst tending to a fowl bigger than your first born, is ok.
Instead of carefully pulling the tray out from the oven, you may yank it just a tad too enthusiastically. The carefully basted bird may make its last bid for freedom, fly across the kitchen floor and end up near the dog bowls. That's fine in itself, save for the hygiene factor, but it's followed by a tsunami of hot fat, which flows in waves down your jeans. At first you feel nothing, maybe due to anaesthetising properties of the sherry. People are yelling at you to 'Get 'Em Off' like a stripper. But I, being a modest sort of stripper, hot foot it upstairs but it's too late. The damage has been done and even after fifteen minutes under a cold shower, the knee has erupted into red welts and blisters.

Apart from being forced to wear a ridiculous flowing summer skirt, and being paranoid about the teetering bubbles bursting on my clean sheets, it's all ok. And the turkey was very good. As was the rest of Christmas. I'm just thankful I don't have one of those built in, high up ovens. Think of the bosoms. Actually don't think of them.

I was going to photograph the knee but I'll spare you. The photo is of a notebook The Teenager had made. Now you can go 'aah' instead of 'eurgh'.

Happy New Year chaps.

The Claws Guy

"Who is this guy in the frock? Should I know him"?



"Aah. He's the present guy. In that case ..."



"Me an' Teas has been very, very good".

Merry Christmas to all our friends on the blog.

We wish you all

nothing ...

but peas

piece

PEACE.

With love from Peggy, Teabag and Her. xx

200

My blog is worth $27,662.46.
How much is your blog worth?

I thought about selling but considering the feebleness of the pound, maybe it's best to hang onto it for a while.

Also, this is post number 200. 200 posts about tiny things in a tiny life. In the grand scheme of things it is but a pfft. Not even a pfft. More a pf. I'll give you an example of how pf.

Yesterday I stepped in a puddle on the kitchen floor. I blamed the dogs. Statistically it was more likely to be one of them than the children. Mopped it up. Ten minutes later there was another puddle. Blamed them. Mopped again. Blame/mop, blame/mop went on all day until I began to think one of the dogs had serious bladder problems. Late last night I finally twigged. I'd switched off the small fridge (as opposed to the big fridge) on Sunday, to clear the ice monster in readiness for Christmas nibblies.

And this morning I found seven remote controls in a drawer. But where are the machines?

That's got to be worth $27,662.46 of anyone's money.

On Vogue

My local library is tiny, friendly and relatively quiet and I spend a lot of time there. So when a part-time job came up, just covering shifts and weekends, I thought why not, I'm here anyway. You may remember I got a 'job' teaching creative writing back at Easter, but since then there have have no funded classes and those teaching adult literacy are hanging onto their placements for dear life. So I filled in my application and waited for the wheels of the local authority's HR department ( Note to HR department that it's 'aitch' not 'haitch', ) to turn.

The answer was a no. Didn't even get an interview. Reason? You have not shown a demonstrable knowledge of, or experience of, customer service.

Pfft. I forgot to put on the application form how, aged 17, I worked in an off-licence and dealt with the nastiest old man in the town every Saturday. His mission was to make my life a misery over the purchase of Concorde wine and Rothmans. And then there was the Gas Board - "Change of Tenancy. How may I help you?" And the chicken farm. I was very polite to the chickens. And aged five I was an exemplary member of the Tufty Club (where children went to learn how to cross the road and you could drive around in little pedal cars). I always made sure everyone had a fair turn at being the Lollipop Lady. But how far back should you go? Apparently teaching experience doesn't count for 'customer service credits' which surprises me. Anyway, I would obviously be rubbish at helping an elderly gentleman locate the James Pattersons. I would no doubt snarl, grab his walking stick and use it to poke him in the right direction.

And this is why my fizzog is gracing the cover of Vogue. I may not be able to demonstrate customer service but I can put my face on Vogue - even if it is a grumpy face. But it's been an odd week and I still haven't located any de-grumpinated coffee.

You too can be on Vogue, or on billboards, or even on Warhols if you go here. Big thanks to my lovely friend at the art of small words for the link. It was just what I needed.

The C Word

Nobody is allowed to mention the C word in my house until December. Now it's December - without my permission, I might add - and I have to let the C word in. I have to admit that I'm not the most serene woman in the run up to the 25th. Basically, it's just more to cope with and the weight of responsibility in making a It good for everyone can be .... how can I put this ....flaming tiring. But now that the first door of the Advent calender is open, it's countdown time and the mammoth game of beat the clock/balance the books/keep smiling begins.

But I am being grumpy. I will go and take some de-grumpinated coffee and remember that I'm fortunate, with untold riches - children, animals and a passably functioning mind and body. And Very Nice Karen has passed on this Scribblicious award. And I don't have to pay for it. See, the best things in life are free. Crikey, if it were Pay As You Go Blogging, I certainly wouldn't be here.

I'm not passing it on specifically because I've sort of forgotton 1) who I've passed awards onto and who I've forgotten and 2) who does awards and who doesn't, and 3) because you're all Superior Scribblers anyway. That's why I read you. Please take.

And talking of free, I've added a new blog. It's bits of writing scooped up from various places in an attempt to be organized.. Did I mention it's free. It's over there >>>>>>>>>