Ms Snarky started to grind her teeth and froth because Ms Snarky her very self is writing a traditional children's book. Late again.
Ms Nicey Nice wishes Wife of Very Famous Chef all the best because she is probably a Very Lovely Person.
Ms Snarky growled at photos of Wife of Very Famous Chef in corn fields wearing pretty frocks because Ms Snarky can usually be photographed clearing up doggie doos in ugly shoes and would like a pretty frock. Or two. And not have to clear up the doos.
Ms Nicey Nice thinks well good for her. It's not her fault that she is fabulously rich because of cheffy husband and has publishers tripping over themselves. There's money to made in that there surname. Ms Nicey Nice would probably do the same.
Ms Snarky thinks I bet she didn't struggle to fund postage/printer ink/paper for manuscripts because she is supporting one child with a serious nectarine habit and the other with - well, habits.
Ms Nicey Nice is determined to withhold opinion until she has read said book. It may well be extremely good.
Ms Snarky is still frothing.
Ms Nicey Nice wrestles with Ms Snarky and wins because she just wants everybody to happy and love each other. She will also finish her 'traditional' children's book and photograph herself in winsome pose in a field. Probably standing in a cowpat.
Are you a Snarky or a Nicey Nice? You could always be somewhere mid ground of course. Maybe Ms Snice?
And in other, more uplifting news, Angie, from the insanely cleverly named blog Angie's Write has given me this award. It's a very pretty teacuppy award. Just my cup of tea in fact, as is Angie. She is definitely Ms Totally Nice. I'm going to pass it onto a couple of relatively new but extremely nice ( I like this over-used but under rated word) bloggers - Pat, with her lovely new dog and Annie B who has just sold a story. And also to Calistro who has just had the most exciting and well deserved news.
57 comments:
LOL, I read that same interview and had the same thoughts, must admit Ms Snarky won over as said Wife comes over so boring and bland - while you come over as hilarious and charming. I know which book I'd rather read...
And hear hear on your award choices, I love Annie and Pat's blogs too.
Whoops and Calistro's too, her news is fantastic!
I'm more with Ms Snarky, but Mr Sensible tells me a) ignore it, who cares, get on and write, and b) NEVER read the Daily Mail. It will only upset you.
Oh damn! I know exactly what you mean Lane. I guess I'm a ms. snarky with a tiny teeny bit of ms. nice thrown in.
Grrrrrr - How I wish it was me! I guess if that was the case I'd actually have to spend the time I want writing instead of knitting. Knitting to give me time to write if you know what I mean.
I have the same thoughts when I read news like that, so I suppose I'm a bit Ms Snice (ha!), but Snarky usually wins out.
Trying not to laugh at the image of a winsome pose standing in a cowpat...I'm with Yvonne, I'd much rather read your hilarious and charming book. Write on! :)
I wanted to add Lane - that what kinda gets me going a little bit more is trying to find an agent of your own - someone - anyone - who might be interested in publishing your book. And what tops it is when you asked someone who is 'published' - they don't have any answers for you and direct you to lulu.com - as if what we write is not anything that might be interesting to publishers so we might as well self-publish. Now that deserves a GRRRRRRRRRRRR - in capitals!
I wanted to add Lane - that what kinda gets me going a little bit more is trying to find an agent of your own - someone - anyone - who might be interested in publishing your book. And what tops it is when you asked someone who is 'published' - they don't have any answers for you and direct you to lulu.com - as if what we write is not anything that might be interesting to publishers so we might as well self-publish. Now that deserves a GRRRRRRRRRRRR - in capitals!
Yvonne - ha! You're too nice. I think the jury's out until I've actually read the book:-)
And yes, Calistro's news is brill!
Dot - Not read the Daily Mail? But it's got pictures and everything;-)
Sunday morning wouldn't be the same without an online scan:-)
Angie - I think Ms Snice is a good stance to take. Very balanced:-)
Aims - I sympathise. Finding an agent is incredibly difficult. I haven't got as a far a querying yet but I'm sure there will be many, many rejections. Have you tried pitching direct to a publisher? There are smaller press ones that will accept unsolicited m/s but I'm not sure over in your neck of the woods. Keep going though Aims. It's the only way. Unless you marry someone very famous of course;-)
Ooh yes, I read it too and definitely had a touch of the snarkies! Mind you, the headline that accompanied the article made me shiver, I thought that was just asking for trouble!
I don't think that Wifey of so-called famous Chef should be wearing white the colour constrast is so wrong against the cornfield. Don't you think? Maybe she needs to be wearing a pair of pink crocs to add a bit of colour ;-)
BTW your book is going to be 100o times better than hers. TFx
I am Ms Nice. I think that maybe she will open the door for more traditional children's stories. And then you will find a publisher all the easier :) Which is very generous of her to do for you!
I don't trust her, though. I tried to explain why but I just sounded like a misogynist. So we'll just leave it as a mystery, shall we? Yay! :)
Please,please Mrs. Snarky remain.
It is the only way to survive
Aw, thanks for the award Lane :o)
I'm more Ms Snarky (just ask Felix). With a bit of Ms Nicey Nice thrown in. On good days only...
:)
Aww, Lane, thanks for the award, you've gone and made me all emotional now!
I hope you won't snatch it back when I say I'm Ms Snarky x 3. See, ages ago, I said to my man in the house up the hill, 'I bet Jools ends up writing a children's book and even if it stinks, she'll get it published.'
Hang on, I'm not saying it does stink, I've wished for ages that the good old traditional type of children's books would come back. They're what I love writing and I know from the ones I did manage to get published, that children do still like that sort of story.
I don't know, perhaps b's comment will turn out to be right and Jools will kick the door open again...
Aw, thank you, Lane - I'm so thrilled! Ohhhh, look at all those lovely teacups in a row - yayx
I wonder if this author will ever be fully fulfilled, as she'll never know if she could have made it in her own right. For me, writing is about being able to say, 'I wrote that, I succeeded, and I did all by myself!' ... Does that make me Ms Snice, do you think?
Vote for Ms Snarky, she'll protect you much better than that do-gooding Ms Nicey Nice (much as I like the odd bit of do-gooding myself).
I'm with Ms Snarky!! :)
Hi Lane,
I just dropped in via Annie's blog and am so glad I did. Fantastic blog. I do love reading those of other writers (and I use that word for all published and unpublished - we are ALL writers) Re Ms Snice. Sorry. I'm ususally Snarky or Nice. I read a book on holiday (see even as I write this Snarky is sneaking up behind me saying, 'Tell them, thell them what happened!') Anyway, read this book and cried several times during it, resulting in my husband having to calm me down considerably. Was this a fantastically emotive novel? No, just some woman who's published the book I'm writing. Miss Snarky says 'AAARGH!No! ***ch! This cannot be. And various other Irish swear words.' Trouble is she did it well too. Ms Snarky hates her. Ms Nice says , hey ho, onwards and upwards. Major plot change and it could be alright? Maybe?
Oh definitely a bit of both. It wouldn't do to be too nice, would it?
Hi again, Lane
I've just popped back to thank you again for the award and to let you know I've passed it on to some special people! Some of them probably won't know what I've done but I hope you agree with my choices. *smile*
Love love this post Lane, it so sums up our emotions doesn't it? If we're honest, (well mine anyway).
There is a belief that you only have to be a celebrity, or a wife (!) and you can get a book published so they are all jumping on the bandwagon. Ghost writers cashing in too. But people must buy them! I can't stand this celebrity-obsessed culture and I look forward to your traditional cookbook.
On the other hand said wife might have written a gem of a book (says Ms Nicey).
I would have to say that I too would be a bit of both!! Depending on what mood I was in at the time would influence whether Ms Nicey Nice or Ms Snarky would win out (Who am I kidding....of course Ms Snarky would win!!! I don't use the phrase 'If you can't say something nice about someone then come sit next to me' for nothing!!)
C x
Nothing against her doing it really - it brings decent revenue (cos of her name) to the Pub. house which can only benefit newer writers. And it might be good.
What narks me, and Madonna said something similar when she released hers, is lines like: "Indeed, one of the reasons why she decided to write the book was her frustration at not being able to find simple, well-written contemporary stories" because it's not true; there's plenty of fantastic contemporary literature for children.
Nik
I am definitely both Lane and my two characters tussle just as yours do. By the way, your daughter isnt the only one with a nectarine habit - I adore them!
Snarky Rules OK. I mean, did you read the extract? Is that really what's getting into kids books these days? I don't mind 'traditional' (to be honest I prefer it to stuff written for yoof), but it has to be well written.
I'm staying Snarky until I read it. I might still be Snarky even if it's good. Let's face it, she was published first and foremost because she's married to Very Famous Chef. Also she's got glossy hair, which is a bit annoying.
Looking forward to your cornfield close-up :o) (Nectarines rock, by the way.)
Maddie - that headline is a bit much isn't it. I hope for her sake, she's right!
Tom Foolery - I think she should have been wearing pink crocs too. Would have brought a bit of class the photo shoot:-)
B - Good point. Let's hope it does that. (I think I shared your misogynisty thoughts too. I won't elaborate:-)
Felix - Everyone needs a Ms Snarky to survive! We can't go around all nicey nice all the time. Perish the thought!
calistro - my pleasure:-)
Babaloo - ah a good mix. I'm sure Felix approves:-)
pat - wow, you were spot on with predicting that! Also, I didn't realise you'd written so many children's books! (Just had a look). I hope B is right and there will be a clamour for books like this in the very near future!
Annie B - You're right. Any achievements we may have, at least we can say they were entirely down to us. Very satisfying!
Mc Bobo - Ms Snarky has to be kept under control though. It would not be wise to let her out without the influence of Ms Nicey Nice. Although might be fun. No it wouldn't. See they're at it again.
Cc Devine - Hurrah! A decisive voter:-)
Fionnuala - argh! That's annoying and well worth a few Irish swear words! Apart from feck I don't think I actually know any.
Anyway, hope you can adjust yours a bit and get it out there pronto. There's obviously a market for it:-)
JJ - Absolutely! I agree. variety is the key:-)
Pat - thanks Pat and I agree with your choices very much:-)
Cait - spot on. The celebrity thing is bad enough but the wife of/daughter of/dog of - where will it end? But like you say, We'll reserve judgement:-)
Carol - you almost had me there! And I love that saying!:-)
Nik - good point Nik and goes well with B's comment. Perhaps it is beneficial to us all. I hope so. And I entirely agree about that comment about not being able to find well written, grammatically correct books. It's derogatory to writers - and rude.
Flowerpot - It's The Younger One fp. She is seriously addicted and has to be rationed:-)
Graeme - I rather thought you may be Snarky:-) And yes, I wasn't overly impressed with the extract either.
Karen - the glossy hair does sort of push the knife in doesn't it.
I bet she buys loads of nectarines - probably washes her hair in them:-)
Well said as ever, Lane... but I'm sure you look lovely even when you're scooping up the dogs' poop (but,surely your dogs are too cute to sh*t?).
I'm sooo Ms Snarky. But, Lane, I do think it's important to remember that whilst she has the famous cheffy husband - you have the floral shopping trolley so essential for future book signings. My money is on you darling xxx
In my non published, not attempting to write or ever get published, could I suggest the chef's wife could have made up a name and pretended to be someone else, then she would know how good she really is/isn't! What am I Snarky or Snice?
love Frankie
Actually, like you and every other writer I know, I am both Ms Snarky and Ms Nicey Nice. It is, in my humble opinion, a necessity for a writer to have multiple personalities. Especially when it comes to celebrity authors.
I agree with Frankie. Especially after my agent told me how hard it is for a completely 'unknown' to get their book published, no matter how well they write, without a fantastic 'unique selling point' like bringing up nine children on a tenner a week.
Hhhm, I'm Snarky & Nicey-Nice, simultaneously.......
Still, those cornfield pics were pretty nauseating!
I think it depends on my mood, but I'm more Nicey-Nice than Snarky, though I can certainly do Snarky too.
Congratulations on your award, isn't it lovely.
Hmm, great minds think alike Laney. I'm just moaning over at mine about a similar thing...
I'm definitely miss snarkey at the moment - with good reason, methinks!
I'm an even mix - but they don't always come out at just the right moment...
Chrish- Those dogs are machines Chris. They never stop!:-)
Helenmh - Ah the shopping trolley. That will be my secret weapon:-)
Frankie - Good point. People tend to take the easiest option though don't they. I think you are definitely a very level headed Ms Snice:-)
Absolute - True! i shall now name the rest of my personalities. should keep me busy:-)
Annieye - so I have to pop out another seven children just to get a USP?? Ha, too late for that. Maybe another dog?;-)
Kate K - they were a bit much weren't they:-)
Debs - mood definitely comes into it. Sometimes Ms Snarky doesn't make an appearance all day. Honest;-)
TBNIL - An out and out Ms Snarky. That's a relief:-)
Elizabeth - ha! Timing is everything;-)
Nik: What narks me, and Madonna said something similar when she released hers, is lines like: "Indeed, one of the reasons why she decided to write the book was her frustration at not being able to find simple, well-written contemporary stories" because it's not true; there's plenty of fantastic contemporary literature for children.
And even if it really was true, these women are rich enough to COMMISSION a really real author to write a 'traditional' book for them.
I'm glad you share my thoughts there. we will be bitchy in secret :)
and i'm also glad that someone else thought the extract was a bit crap. i didn't like to say.
:)
Ms Snarky for prime minister!
"one child with a serious nectarine habit and the other with - well, habits" - LOL!!
Lol B. Actually, as I understand it, the celeb author wouldn't have to pay for someone to ghost write it; the publishers would look after that.
The other important thing (I think) to remember is the question of whether they're in competition with 'traditional' authors. the readership will cross over in places, but I doubt it'd be 100% of the time.
Essentially their name is a brand, and the book is an extension of that, and because of that people will buy it (at least their children are reading something, and that something might be good).
But in saying what's been said (about the lack of quality of children's books - bollocks!) it's pretty clear that someone hasn't done her research.
Ho hum, and c'est la vie and all that.
It's not ideal, but it's not terrible either. In my opinion.
Nik
Congrats on the award.
As for the response to chef-wifey writing my novel... it would depend who was listening. I like to think I'd be Mrs NN if I were discussing it with others, but if I were talking to myself (which I do rather a lot) I confess Mrs S would probably get the upper hand without too much trouble.
Funnily enough, I wasn't even thinking of ghost writing - I was just thinking - well if you want a traditional children's book, then pay an author to do it for your children, not as a ghost writer.
Leigh, you are funny :)
Ah! I see what you mean, B; think I'm looking at things with my grumpy author's hat on! ;)
Darn it, Lane, you always have so many comments by the time I get here. I wonder why I bother, but I figure you read them all. I would be Mrs Snarky, because I am cynical that way. I believe some people buy their luck or get it handed to them on a silver platter. Good luck you, with your own endeavor, I am sure it will be great. You have humor and timing, which are both very important.
I'm Mr Snarky although I shall forget this bit of celebrity news by the time I've posted this comment. We all keep getting conned with this celeb book and that celeb book and, more times than not, they never wrote the damn thing anyway. Did she? Who knows or cares.
Dot's advice to never read The Daily Mail is a sound call!
I read that! and the first thing I said was "I bed that's .... rather not too good." I felt the same. Annoying also that she looked the perfect Miss Hampstead Mummy. Its so not fair! btw, I wasnt blown away by what I did read but it will probably do well.
The rest of your personalities? Hmm, and I thought I was the only one who was an entire tea party by myself. Just think, together you and I could be a whole gala ball! ;-)
I used to be Ms Nicey Nice but not having a famous relative or an interesting USP is turning me into a very despondent Ms Snarky. Lane - you will always be Ms Nicey-Nice!
B and Nik - you've put your cases so well. Thank you. I love a bit of articulate debate in the comments:-)
Tam - lol. Ms Snarky unleashed would be a dangerous beast! Good job Ms Nicey Nice is on hand to rein her in:-)
Leigh - I'm glad someone else talks to themselves. Hurrah! Normal after all:-)
Irene - thank you. That's nice:-)
I always read all the comments. Often more than once!:-)
Dumdad - I tried to take yours and Dot's advice this morning but damn it, I did it again! Just can't resist having an online Sunday scan.
Motherx - lol at Miss Hampstead Mummy. Very glossy look isn't it:-)
Absolute - ha! Well there's definitely a Ms Grumpy Grumps, a Ms Head In The Clouds, Ms Gullible who's closely shadowed by Ms Cynical and Ms Snarler who has to be very closely monitored! To name but a few! I'm sure we can come up with the whole platter:-)
Annieye - Aw thanks m'dear. This USP thing is a bummer isn't it. I think we (eg 'me') will have to be creative:-)
Lane, don't concern yourself with wrestles over how generous you should feel toward people whose success seems to come too easy--she probably just borrowed some of Jamie's leftover photography stagings. I'm with Karen though, that glossy hair is pretty hard to take! Look at it this way--she doesn't have the always right fashion advice from The Teenager--that's priceless.
I'm afraid I think something similar whenever I see anything written by Nigella Lawson (daughter of ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer) or Dominic Lawson (son of ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer).
Faye - Of course you're right Faye. Without The Teenager's fashion advice, I would be picking up the doggie stuff wearing even uglier shoes:-)
Tim Relf - hi there and welcome. Not really a Lawson fan either. It's amazing how far a good surname will get you:-) Will come and nosey your blog.
Hi Lane, love your blog. I found you through Lindsey (Rural Villager). Ms Oliver isn't really appropriately dressed for standing in a cornfield. I recommend a housecoat and wellies - or at least that's what they wear round our parts. It wouldn't have the same effect though I suppose. VLiF
VLIF - Quite right. And her housecoat should be nylon. Will come and say hi:-)
Lane, did you hear the news that Lauren Conrad, of fake reality TV show "The Hills" 'fame', received a three-book deal with HarperCollins? I immediately thought of this post. I'm not feeling so 'snice' on this one, just plain snarky. Hmph.
Angie - Hmph indeed! In fact I think a double snarky hurrumpf is in order. I've just read young adult series based loosely on her life. Definitely deserves a snark methinks:-)
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